One of the real tests of what a person is really made of goes something like this...
"what do you decide when no one's watching?"
There are various versions in Zen, in religion, in pop culture - but the essence is the same.
With the guys away, I have had nothing but a really busy two days of hard gardening.
Our property is massive. We have almost a full acre of stunning mature trees, lots of perennials courtesy of the previous owners, and much more grass than last year thanks to some landscaping decisions which cut the responsibility for everything in half. The thing is though, half of TOO MUCH is still - in my books - too much.
Not one to dwell on what's overwhelming for too long, my usual solution is to just dive in and get things done. And with all the physical labour, I chose to focus on a great core workout and really intense arm exercise. And daydreamed about what it would look like when I am finished.
Very few things go better together than tomato and basil, and my first garden (about 6 feet in diameter) will contain both. One gorgeous full tomato plant, and six surrounding basil plants. Harrison would eat cardboard if it had pesto on it, so this should be a good option.
I also intend to populate the second garden (about 15 feet in diameter) with squash plants and selfishly harvest them purely for the blossoms. Something about eating flowers that just seems elegant! And I can't buy them anywhere, so must do it myself.
Herb garden of course, must go in the best soil... AND the one closest to the kitchen! My chives and rosemary came up beautifully all on their own, but I must get at least three variations of thyme. Will grow some lavender again, even though I haven't for three years. Heirloom carrots are also on the agenda, just for the flexibility. Another thing I can rarely get in stores, and few things make me feel as good as pulling a beautiful carrot from the soil...especially in a light rain when they yield to me much more easily. Green onions, garlic, and shallots are also other must-haves. And finally, the colourful nod to my heritage - some beets.
Of course our main entranceway will hopefully be flocked by rows and rows of cayenne peppers and jalapenos!
So with aching fingers barely able to hold a shovel any more today, I will seek out something in the kitchen to take away the hunger pains slightly.
When no one's watching I am constantly surprised how much I crave eggs... Yesterday I did a beautiful souffle yesterday when my mom came for lunch, and made some rich hollandaise to go with mounds of local asparagus and the New Jersey / Rangers game. Since I went to law school with the head coach of the New Jersey Devils AND he's a law school alum, I am very obviously rooting for a Devils victory... It would make a great alumni story for my magazine.
Eggs always seem to be the one thing I consistently cheat the vegan diet with, whether Bill's gone or not. Let's face it - on a fishing trip with the guys, I doubt he's eating legumes and fiddleheads, so turnabout is fair play.
And that's what I mean about what one eats when no one's watching. Even though I feel a zillion times better on a plant based diet, I really struggle with the cravings. Why the need for eggs (OK... and even some cheese) the minute he's out of the house? Where is it coming from? Am I vegan only when someone's watching? Or am I just vegan most of the time? It's like saying "I'm loyal to my husband" - "except for those times that I'm not".
And while animal based food isn't adultery, it does make me question why I can be so passionately committed to a plant based diet when someone's around, finding massive amounts of delicious, healthy choices everywhere and resisting temptation, and then yielding to temptations occasionally when no one's around.
No answers tonight.
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