Monday, October 18, 2010

IKEA risotto in plain language instructions...

We are very close to finishing our IKEA closets - and MAN are they gorgeous. However, we've had to contend with two broken panels on the last door, and that means that the entire unfinished project is spread all over our closet. I literally had to move a hammer, a fat orange screwdriver and a set of IKEA instructions just to get to the keyboard.

And it makes me think again about tools.

You need the right tools to put things together, of course. But sometimes you just need some instructions that have easy to follow pictures. IKEA's instructions do not even have words. They are all visual instructions, with just arrows, guides and pictures. It is genius.

Why don't they make a cookbook for guys like this? Seriously - this is my inspired thought for the evening. IKEA needs to get into the cookbook business. Now that I think about it, it's not just the guys. We could ALL use a cookbook like this.

When I get into the office (that is if I remember, if I can still locate my other computer because I've never loaded the scanner info onto my new laptop, if I can find the magazine page, and IF I get in early....) I would like to scan in a magazine article that food network magazine runs. It isn't a recipe, actually but a collection of pictures! It will show a picture of 3 eggs, a picture of a tablespoon of oil, a picture of 15 spears of asparagus...

This idea is really smart for people who are just learning, because often the combinations of food and flavours are intimidating.

My friend Melanie said once that people always make a recipe look so easy because they LIE about what is in there. They say "Oh, I just added this, and this and a bit of that and some this" but what they don't tell you is that there are 10 other things that they added and don't tell you about. And she may be right.

Tonight, I just "threw together" a risotto for Harrison and I.

So here - in exhaustive detail - is his favourite mushroom risotto recipe. And I will try to put it into realistic terms for fun.

Take a saucepan (the size of a hubcap )
Turn one large burner onto the number 6 (already this is harder than I thought...)
Pour 3 tablespoons of olive oil (one shot glass... yes, I just measured it:)
Take a half cup of ARBORIO rice
Cut up half an onion (the size of a baseball) into little pieces (about the size of dice?)
Pulverize one clove of garlic into tiny pieces (the size of a nail head).
MIx all this in the pan until the oil coats everything including the rice, garlic and onions and keep stirring everything around.

Get a FLAT spatula so that you can scrape the entire bottom of the pan or something is going to start burning (the very blackish brown colour... NOT GOOD!)

Once you have this oily coated oniony-garlicky-rice, you can add some vegetable stock.

Vegetable stock comes in tetra-paks in the soup aisle. It can also come in a can, but it can be concentrated, so read the directions on the can. It can also come in a cube, or a packet. Make the entire packaged recipe before you start. It does not need to be hot - you can leave it cold.

[The cheapest and best way to get vegetable stock is to make your own from a large chopped up carrot (the size of a big orange screwdriver) and an equal amount of chopped up celery and one chopped up (baseball sized) onion that you have peeled to get rid of the papery surrounding layers, and just keep the wet crisp part. Cut off the hairy bearded part and the pointy top too. Add 1 teaspoon of salt (1/4 of a shot glass) and some pepper. Add 4 cups of water and leave it on the stove with the burner on 4 for 40 minutes until the veggies are soft. Since I really believe in waste not, want not, I would put the whole thing into the blender to use all the veggies....]

OK - back to our risotto.....

You will need about 6 cups of the stock OR 6 cups of liquid of some kind. If you are adventurous, you could add 1/2 cup of wine. If you have a leftover soup from the day before, you could add that. OR you could just add water.

As the oily rice is sitting there frying, grab a soup ladle and add two ladlefuls of liquid. It will sizzle and steam up.

Use the flat spoon or spatula to keep stirring everything. You will need to keep stirring for the next 18 minutes.

IT IS WORTH IT.

Let everything keep evapourating as you stir every 30 seconds to a minute and a half.

Grab a pack of whole mushrooms. (The size of golf balls)

Rinse them in a clean sink.

Cut them into slices with a knife. (The slices should be the size of a head of a wrench that says 3/4 on the head....Yes, I just looked this up too.)

Add another two spoonfulls of liquid. Add however many mushrooms you have managed to cut up.

Keep doing this every 45 seconds - 1.5 minutes or until all the mushrooms are added to the risotto.

OK. This part is for Melanie.


Add some grainy dijon mustard. (To measure this, use a big spoon you would use to eat soup with.)

Add some fresh rosemary if you have it. (One twig)

If you have laughed at the thought of fresh rosemary being in your house, smack your forehead and do not pass go, because you really should. It is delicious.

However, you could use one half of a coffee spoon of dried rosemary from your cupboard.

Use one half of the same coffee spoon to add some steak spice because STEAK SPICE GOES BEAUTIFULLY WITH MUSHROOMS.

Are you still stirring? Stirring this way is what makes risotto, risotto. It is what encourages that creamy starchy deliciousness to come out and play!

By now (I'll assume you've had about 10-15 mushrooms and have added liquid and stirring about the same number of times...) it will be thickening up, smelling delicious and making you feel pretty darn proud of yourself now.

Almost done...

Take a bite of one of the rice kernels using the spoon you were using to measure out the spices. Is it smushy, or is is still hard? It should be smushy when you stop adding liquid.

If you have used up all the stock, water is just perfectly fine at this point. There is a lot of flavour in the pan, and you are just now trying to cook the rice through.

Grab a plate, not a bowl. I prefer a plate because of how hot this risotto will be when you try to eat it.

*Believe me on this one - it will be hot - you will want to start devouring it - so use a plate.*

Grab a ladle, and finally dunk it into the risotto. Give yourself 3 good scoops on your plate.

Grab some sea salt and pinch it between your fingers, and then sprinkle it over the risotto to finish it.

Grab the olive oil and another dessert spoon and pour some olive oil onto the spoon.

Spoon the olive oil over the salted risotto. This is the good, uncooked olive oil application which is good for your heart, and adds a delicious olive-y flavour. Don't skip this step because of the fat. There is no meat in this dish, so a bit of flavour and fat will make you feel rewarded, satisfied and full.

Eat what you made.
Congratulations!

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